(Re)Finding Myself

Hello everyone! I am so sorry for my 3-4 week long break from my blog! I hope no one missed me too much,  but I had some adventures to go on and some discoveries to make.

After WJMC, it became very obvious to me that I needed to find the Ava I lost freshman year, the Ava I lost once I got caught in the loop of fake friends, hard classes, and stress over sports.  I decided to talk my last month of summer to step back, start finding who I really am, and start actually enjoying high school.

I started by just looking at what I already did, once I started paying more attention, I realized how many things have been right before me, but I never took advantage of them. The oddest one for me had to be my job. I always complained about it, but one day I truly opened my eyes and realized… I love working with little kids. There is not one thing that makes my soul sing more then when I help someone, and its even more fun when they begin looking up to you ¨cause you´re like 300 years old…right?¨

After looking at one of the things I already had, I began to look at things that I have always had, but changed over the summer.  Cheer and my friends seemed to be the main things on my mind when I looked at these. Cheer had become a touchy topic in my house once I got cut from my high school cheer team due to my not so great tumbling. But once I got placed onto an Senior 4.2 team that had previously won the Summit, the biggest international competition in the entire WORLD.

I began to believe in myself more, I stopped looking at cheer as a chore, and I began to love the amazing sport again. While doing high school cheer, I was miserable, I was sad all the time, and I was hiding an injury from my parents, teammates, and my coaches, in fear of getting in trouble.

Once I began competitive cheer, I started to notice my eyes lighting up when I went to practice, I started to want to try new things and new positions, my leg began to heal, and soon after, my heart began to as well.

Another thing that began to change this summer was my friends. Sophomore year, I was constantly ditched, left out, and whenever I was invited, I felt like the odd person out. These things made me not want to go out and I soon found myself spending my nights watching TV with my mom. This summer, I decided to stop worrying about my friend ¨group¨ and decided to look at each of my friends as a whole.

Once I looked at the many wonderful things I already had in my life, I started looking at new places I could find happiness, I turned to tiny crafts, doodling, journaling, and music to make my soul happy again. I started going on little adventures in my town, or even just my neighborhood, to get my mind off junior year looming over me.

This past month, I refound the Ava I lost many moons ago, and while that meant losing people and things that were important to me, my happiness is priceless.

xoxo, Ava

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