Having an Identity

In high school, everyone has an identity.

You have your goths, your band kids, the cheerleaders, the jocks, the drama club, your hipsters.

Usually, everyone falls into a spot, I sure did.

Being with the cheerleaders didn´t make me the most popular kid, but for the most part, most people knew me because of the bow I wore in my hair. I felt like I belonged in my school.

Until suddenly I didn´t.

Junior year, I became more shy and quiet, I didn´t have my sport to fall back on as my identity, something that has defined me since 2012 was not there to help me anymore.

It became easy to just sit in the shadows.

People stopped saying hi to me in the halls, my grades slowly slipped,  my ¨friends¨ starting talking to me less and less, and I soon felt really alone. It felt like all the people that cared about me lived 100 miles away.

I went from being the loud, peppy, cheerleader to the quiet girl who is scared to speak in front of the class. I don´t even know if my teachers know my name.

I needed to learn sooner or later that I would not be known as the cheerleader after high school.

But honestly? This realization sucks.

I don´t know who I am, all I know is the cheerleader.

I grew up being the cheerleader, I grew up letting the stereotypes cheerleaders try so hard to let go of consume me; now I am stuck paying the price two years early.

I wish I could say that suddenly everything became really good, but I would be lying. I did start opening up to people, and I can confidently say I have the coolest friends in the world. But I still do not know who I am.

Some days, I can be super peppy and basically be a walking talking J-crew ad. I want to go into advertising or sports journalism and I drink hot tea. I actually have the motivation to do well in school.

Other days I stroll into school wearing a giant sweatshirt and leggings and just want to sit on my phone and watch Gossip Girl on Netflix.

But I guess that is what high school is all about, finding yourself, feeling lost, and just getting through this small patch of life, and I mean, who really needs an identity??

 

 

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